10 STEPS TO HEAL FROM A BREAKUP AND FEEL EXCITED ABOUT YOUR FUTURE
Breakups can leave us feeling heartbroken and lost. A relationship ending is a significant and painful thing to go through, especially if you are feeling rejected. BUT, you have the incredible power within you to heal and come out stronger after the breakup.
Drawing from my own experience of a significant breakup in 2022, where I felt blindsided and heartbroken, I made it my mission to heal better and handle things differently than before.
With the wisdom gained from my journey towards happiness after heartbreak, I will guide you through 10 empowering steps that will help you navigate the healing process and begin to create a beautiful future.
So how do we heal from a breakup?
Below are 10 steps guiding you through how to heal from a breakup. Before you start working through them, just know that moving through heartbreak isn't easy or an overnight thing, and it is going to take time and energy to begin to heal and feel happy again.
They are in no particular order, (aside from number one that is an immediate must and in my opinion needs to be weaved throughout), work through them one by one, or focus on them all at the same time. Save this post to come back to and I trust you will take and use what you need in your breakup healing journey!
1. feel however you feel
No matter what stage of your breakup you are in. It is so important that you give yourself permission to feel the pain, sadness, and anger that comes with heartbreak. They are all an essential part of the healing process. Although tempting, the more you reject or deny what you are feeling, the harder it will be to move on.
When relationships end, we can go through a range of emotions, thoughts and feelings. We experience a variety of uncomfortable thoughts day to day, sometimes minute by minute. If you are going through this, know that it is normal and there is nothing wrong with you.
So above everything, show yourself grace through your heartbreak and allow yourself to feel it all. Journalling on everything I felt when my relationship was over, was a huge sense of relief for me and I highly recommend it.
2. become best friends with self care
It is so important that you prioritise self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. You always know what you need, sometimes self care can be the simple act of just starting to listen to yourself. You may have never done that before.
When you tune in to how you feel, and what you need, you can start your self care journey from there. Engage daily in activities that you love, that are going to help you feel good. Whether this is washing your hair, a candle lit bath, or curling up in bed with a funny film.
In the initial stages of your breakup, self care can be as simple as making sure you get a shower and eat some nutritious food to get you through the day. Deeper levels of self care might include therapy, having some hard conversations, or making big life decisions.
3. Lean on your people
While it's tempting to isolate yourself after a breakup, remember to balance it out by surrounding yourself with loved ones who uplift and support you. Let your friends and family be there for you during this challenging time; let the hold you, listen to you, cook for you and make you laugh.
If you need additional support, explore online communities or join well-being memberships that match your interests and values. When I moved out of my home town after my breakup, I joined a free facebook group, calling out for local friends and I now have a local group of amazing women around me.
4. self reflection
Heartbreak is very painful; losing someone you love can feel totally debilitating. My motto since my breakup has been to 'make it mean something'. In being determined to create better relationships for myself, I decided to really dig deep on everything about my past relationships, through reflection and learning.
This involves taking the time to reflect on the relationship and the lessons it has taught you. What you liked, didn't like, what went wrong, what led to the relationship ending etc. It also involves identifying patterns or behaviours that you want to avoid in future relationships in both another person and yourself.
This exercise is not about self judgement, it is about the devotion to radical self honesty, becoming better where you can by taking responsibility, and also beginning to see where you will remove yourself from future unaligned relationships in the future.
5. consider no contact
When a relationship ends, honesty with ourselves about staying in touch with our ex and how it is making us feel, is so important. Some people need to stay in touch due to financial ties, children, legal proceedings or business ties etc. Others may not feel safe to break contact (and that is another subject).
But if you are in touch with your ex, and it is making you feel terrible, and you don't need to be in touch with them, now is the time to ask yourself why you are still in contact, and can you find the courage to go no contact with your ex, in the name of helping you to move on.
It is a liberating feeling to go no contact when speaking to your ex has been hurting you. Making the decision to block my ex on everything and not allow myself, or him to have any means of contact in the future, was the best thing I did. It creates so much space for healing, and I love not knowing anything about him, and knowing that he can't know anything about me.
6. Rediscover you
Rediscovering yourself after a breakup is one of the most exciting things you can do for yourself. In a romantic relationship, we often make sacrifices or neglect parts of ourselves and even though this is normal, post breakup is a great time to reconnect with you.
This involves discovering your passions, hobbies and interests, and doing things that you enjoy. The ending of a relationship is an amazing opportunity for you to figure out who you are, what lifts you up, where you want to go next, and how you want your new life to look.
This all forms part of you forming your individual identity outside of the partnership that you had with your ex. It can feel daunting, but you can gradually fill your time with things you love, and it can be an exciting adventure to reinventing yourself.
7. boundaries
Setting boundaries after a breakup is two fold. This means both establishing clear boundaries with your ex to protect your emotional wellbeing. For instance if your ex keeps coming back, then letting you down and leaving you feeling heartbroken again, it is time to set some boundaries and not give them that option.
The next part is looking back at your relationship with your ex and deciding what your boundaries are for moving forwards with your life. This means figuring out what your values and non negotiable are in a relationship, which will help you when dating moving forward.
For instance, this might man communicating your needs or expectations to your ex if they keep trying to get in touch, and it might also mean spending some time journalling and reflecting on what new boundaries you desire for future relationships.
8. explore ways to cope
This one sounds complex, but basically means finding something that you know will help you in those hard times when you are moving through your breakup. Having bad days weeks or even months after the relationship has ended, is normal. Having a way you can deal with that is going to be a huge help in your healing journey.
Be sure to steer clear of unhealthy 'coping techniques' like excessive drinking that are ok at the time but likely to hinder your progress. Choose healthy mechanisms instead like going for a run, or having a certain friend or family member who you can trust to answer the phone in times of need.
My favourite breakup coping strategy is EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique). If you haven't heard of it before, I am a qualified practitioner and post an EFT tapping video each day on TikTok, as well as having a weekly membership opening soon the you can join the waitlist for here.
9. forgiveness
Forgiving somebody who has hurt you AKA your ex, can sound like an impossible task to do. Forgiveness doesn't man excusing bad behaviour, it simply means releasing anything you are holding on to that isn't helping you.
This is something I am working on myself, and for me personally it has meant finding ways to let go of anger I have held on to from the relationship and the breakup. I have done this through EFT and therapy and over time, with commitment, it is getting easier.
Self forgiveness is just as, if not more important after a breakup. Forgive yourself for all the ways in which you acted wrongly, or for things you did or didn't do that you are no proud of. Revisit 4 - reflect and learn, if you are finding it hard to forgive yourself. EFT tapping is great for self forgiveness.
10. trust in your happiness
A breakup can have a sneaky way of making you convince yourself that you are not destined for happiness or an exciting future. When a relationship ends, it can make us feel that that person was our only chance of happiness. It is simply not true.
The best days of your life are ahead, and now is your chance to get in the drivers seat, think about how you want your life to look, and start taking action on those things. Set goals, push yourself out of your comfort zone, plan adventures, make new friends. Open yourself up to the idea that your future is going to be amazing.
Believe in yourself and dedicate time to making your future unreal, and know that even if it takes time, it is far better than allowing yourself to stay stuck in the breakup pain. Of course don't rush yourself, but as you are processing, balance it out with intentional effort towards your exciting future ahead.
Conclusion on how to heal from a breakup
Healing from a breakup is a journey that needs your patience, self-compassion, and intentional effort. You are worthy of it, and if you follow these 10 suggestions, you'll be well on your way to reclaiming your happiness and building a beautiful life for yourself.
Remember, you are resilient, deserving of love, and capable of creating a future even brighter than your past. Accept yourself fully through it all, feel everything and most of all, embrace this chapter of your life as an opportunity to grow. You have everything it takes, and I would love to hear below how you get on!
Don't forget to connect with me on TikTok and Instagram!
