No Contact After a Breakup: How Unfollowing Your Ex Changes Everything.
Breakups are deeply personal and all so different in how they happen, but one subject that tends to bring up strong emotions is the subject of going no contact and unfollowing your ex on social media. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will share what helped me and it might give you something to think about.
If you're dealing with a breakup that wasn't your decision, and there are no kids or a marriage tying you together, no contact might be technically possible, but feel emotionally impossible. I personally think that unfollowing your ex and going no contact (if you can) changes everything.
When your biggest fear is feeling disconnected from your ex after they chose to end the relationship* it’s understandable that unfollowing them might cause you a lot of fear and resistance. Right now, you’re likely feeling powerless, and keeping them on your socials gives you some sense of control.
You might be holding on to the idea that one day they’ll contact you, or see you thriving and regret their decision. Maybe you’re hoping they’ll see you with someone new and feel just as sad as you do now.
Why Do We Cling to Social Media After a Breakup?
How much time have you spent scrolling through your story views, hoping to see if your ex checked it today? Or maybe you’ve analysed their followers list, looking for signs of someone new, only to spiral deeper into anxiety when someone new does pop up even if you don’t have the full story.
You know the relationship is over, but cling to social media because it keeps you involved, and gives you a sense of connection that’s hard to let go of. The only thing is, it’s a false sense of connection when the reality in real life (away from socials) looks totally different.
If it’s over, this is the current reality. If they’re not reaching out to tell you they regret their decision, this is the current reality. And if you’re sitting in despair because you’re still connected on social media but nothing is happening in real life - this is the reality. You’re in despair, and the relationship isn’t happening. And you can only deal with what you’re dealing with.
You’re not alone by the way. Many people share with me how they become fixated on their ex’s social media activity after a breakup. Whether it’s checking to see if they’re still following you or dissecting who liked their latest post, the constant monitoring can trap you in a cycle of confusion, pain, and false hope.
Why do we cling to social media after a breakup?
The Emotional Toll of Staying Connected To Your Ex Online
A breakup is literally tough enough on its own, but when you add the layer of social media on top, it feels so much harder. Seeing your ex happy, out with friends, or moving on can cause you to feel anxiety and jealousy. Even not seeing anything, you can become fixated on waiting in anticipation to see something. Obsessively checking and becoming wayyy more preoccupied with their life than your own.
Also, maybe you’re putting yourself under pressure to act like you’re doing well on your IG when in reality you feel sad; it’s so much effort and makes the breakup process so much messier. It prolongs you from moving on. This is physically and emotionally exhausting. It takes up a lot of brain space and drains your precious energy.
It also keeps you stuck, constantly comparing your journey to theirs. Social media can distort reality, making it hard to remember that people only show the best parts of their lives. So while you’re grieving, your ex’s highlight reel might give you a false narrative that they’re thriving without you.
I’m not here to judge you if you’re relating to any of this - I’ve been there myself, it’s horrible. When I was doing it, I don’t know about you but I just felt like I was a shell of myself, behaving in a way that I didn’t want to, being someone I didn’t like. Being consumed with someone else’s life and my mind all over the place constantly.
I can tell you that finally cutting ties in whatever way I could (fully blocking vs my profile being open even after unfollow, removing his friends and family etc), was one of the best things I did. Once I removed this from my feed, things became SO MUCH easier. My mind stopped focusing on what my ex was/might be doing and started focusing on me instead. What went wrong, where do I want to go from here, what is going to make me feel better etc. All the techniques I used to do this are in The Successful Breakup Guide.
You Don’t Have To Make Unfollowing Mean Forever
If seeing unfollowing as temporary and reassuring yourself that' it doesn’t mean forever helps you, that’s OK. Unfollowing, going no contact, and separating yourself feels so final, but it doesn’t have to be. If you two are meant to be together, you’ll find a way. If they really want to get in touch, they’ll find a way - even without social media.
And remember, you can always unblock them if it becomes too much, or contact them if you feel like you have something important to say. But right now? Be honest with yourself if nothing is happening. And you need headspace to process this breakup and figure out your life irrelevant of your ex.
What I’m saying does feel quite contradictory, on one hand, I’m saying, "if it’s final, it’s final." But on the other hand, I’m reassuring you that blocking or unfollowing doesn’t have to be permanent.
What really matters is that you act like things are final for now, so you can feel better, process your circumstance and clear your mind of their life post breakup. Deep down, you probably know that things are over, and that’s okay. It’s about giving yourself the space to recover, rebuild, and find your sense of value and worth again.
I’m not against people finding their way back together, and going no contact doesn’t mean they will forget you
This is the time to process what just happened, reflect, and make changes where needed. In time, who knows? Maybe space will lead to realisations, and people do sometimes find their way back to each other. But right now, you need to act like there’s no hope if there currently is none, and focus on becoming you again.
Either way, you won’t regret the space and time you give to yourself, and (another subject for another time), acting like there’s no hope tends to help you let go of it. It’s far better for you than doom-scrolling at 3 a.m., obsessing over their likes and follower count.
Here’s the important thing: going no contact and unfollowing your ex doesn’t have to be a permanent decision—unless you decide that’s what’s best for you.
There’s a misconception that once you cut off social media connections, it’s final. But the reality is, if the relationship is truly over, it’s over. Staying connected online only offers the illusion of security. It doesn’t change the outcome.
You Don’t Have To Make Unfollowing Mean Forever
6 Benefits of Unfollowing And No Contact
Going no contact isn't just about unfollowing or blocking, or about being mean to your ex or controlling them. It’s about regaining a sense of control over yourself and your life. It’s setting a boundary and giving yourself space.
You can even let them know you’re just going to do it to help you if that helps you. It doesn’t have to be drama, it cam just be a decision you make from a place of self care. It’s about giving yourself the headspace you need.
When you didn’t want a breakup, this weird thing can happen where you suddenly feel like your value is defined by your ex; your ex didn’t choose you any more so now you must be any good, they look happy on social media so you’re going to be sad forever etc.
It’s so scary and feels so real but is so untrue. When you stop seeing yourself through the lens of your ex you begin to see yourself clearly again. Making their life irrelevant though disconnecting is in my opinion an essential step in rediscovering who you are outside of the relationship.
The benefits of unfollowing and going no contact:
Clarity: Without constant reminders of your ex, you can focus on what you need to process your emotions without distraction.
Emotional Freedom: No contact helps break the emotional ties that keep you connected to the past, allowing you to move forward.
Less Worry: Instead of worrying about how your ex sees you or whether they regret their decision, you can concentrate on what’s best for you.
Confidence: Building back your confidence takes time, but when your exes life is now out of sight, you have more head space to feel good again.
Freedom From Anticipation: Even when they aren’t posting or contacting you, you might be constantly waiting to see something. Removing means you’re free from anticipation.
Sleep: Stress and worry of wondering what your ex is doing or scrolling tends to get worse at night, more sleep is going to help you feel better!
This space is invaluable because it frees you from the cycle of over-analysing every interaction you’re seeing them have online, or comparing your sadness to their highlights.
6 Benefits Of Unfollowing And Going No Contact
How Unfollowing Changes Everything And How To Go No Contact
Even if you’re scared, when you finally make the choice to unfollow and go no contact, you’ll likely experience an immediate sense of relief. The mental energy you were spending on your ex will now be available for you to give to yourself. You’ll find that the urge to check up on them diminishes over time, and before you know it, you’ll feel the sense of emotional freedom you deserve.
It’s not about pretending they never existed—it’s about protecting your peace. When you stop using social media as a way to stay connected, you allow real healing to begin. You no longer need to worry about curating an image for them or wondering what they think of your progress. You get to just be. It gives you a sense of control over your own life and this changes everything in the breakup process.
How to go no contact:
How To Go No Contact
I have often been asked about how to go no contact; whether you need to announce it, what about if you’re friends with their sister/mum, or in the same social circles etc. It is so hard (in fact - impossible) to be general about this answer because there are so many different breakup situations. I’m speaking here to when there is no reason to stay connected and it is technically possible; you aren’t in the same social circle (or don’t need to be), and you’re willing to let go of family ties to help you. This was my situation.
Either way, be honest with yourself about whether having any connection to them is helpful to you, and remove any connections or loose links that aren’t. I know it’s hard, it feels so sad and final, but you need to put yourself first and if staying connected even to friends isn’t helping you, it’s ok to not do it. If it helps you, you could explain it to them, or ask for a few months of them not being in touch with you. It really depends on the context of your situation.
How to go no contact:
Reflect on your situation and whether full no contact/blocking works
Let them know if it feels appropriate and good for you
Don’t feel obliged to announce if it doesn’t feel right/isn’t needed/they’ve asked you to leave them be
Block them on socials/whatsapp/phone contacts - rip the plaster off
Consider doing the same with friends/family - I highly encourage this*
Be honest with yourself throughout about what you need to do to help you
Live your life
If you are likely to keep their friends on socials and hope that you can curate something on your socials in the hope that their friends see and report back to your ex - block. Don’t put yourself through this pressure, torture and time wasting activity. It’s thankless and pointless.
If the above isn’t possible because you live together, work together, share a house, children etc. This is a whole other subject but some quick advice is to be honest with yourself, do what you can do with what you can do; such as discuss boundaries, have as much distance as possible, speak to your boss at work, make tweaks to your routine if it will help you to not see them as much (if that isn’t helping you).
Choosing No Contact Let’s You Have Your Life On Your Terms.
In the end, the decision to unfollow and go no contact is about rediscovering your own identity, outside of the relationship. It’s about giving yourself the space to heal and grow without the influence or presence of your ex. You’ll find that, in time, you’ll appreciate the distance, and the emotional weight you’ve been carrying will start to lift.
If the relationship wasn’t right, holding on—whether through social media or otherwise—only keeps you stuck in the past. By choosing to move on, you give yourself permission to thrive again, on your terms.
Remember who you are, and remember that you have life to live.
If you’re struggling to let go of your ex, and enjoyed reading this post, I brought out The Successful Breakup Guide in June, which lays out so many strategies to help you let go, figure out where you want your life (and relationships to go), what went wrong, what you can learn. It helps you move on when you’re struggling.
Currently still on the intro offer of £25 before it goes up to £79 on the 15th October.
