EFT Tapping: A powerful tool to help you get through your breakup

6 Mar

If you relate to times in your breakup where you start to spiral in your thoughts and emotions, miss your ex, think the only way to calm down is to text them so they can make you feel better, go in to sheer panic, think you can’t handle it… and THEN start telling yourself you’re a failure and stupid and will never be happy and being mean to yourself about still being upset about the breakup… this post is for you.

Breakups can be one of the most emotionally challenging experiences of your life. And unfortunately in the waves of chaotic emotions and fears and panic, we can struggle to self sooth or handle it, and then make choices we wish we didn’t (like texting them at 3am). The good news is, there’s a technique you can use to help you in these moments. Read on to learn more!

Emotional Regulation - what is it?

Before I give info on the technique, it’s important to talk about emotional regulation as this is what we’re aiming for in these moments of despair and panic. Emotional regulation is the process of recognising, understanding and responding to your emotional experiences in a way that is helpful to your wellbeing.

It’s the accepting, the handling, the coping, the compassion, the ability to be there for yourself and work through the emotions, self-soothing as they come up and calm yourself through the discomfort. Simply put, it’s you giving to yourself what you would give to a young child when they are upset - comforting words of ‘you’re ok, it’s OK’ until they have moved through it and feel calm.

An important note on the above - if you feel you might struggle with emotional regulation due to your experience in childhood, then it could be so supportive for you to seek help from a therapist.

When you learn to emotionally regulate, it helps to:

Build resilience and confidence in yourself (important when you’re just out of a relationship)
Prevent prolonged suffering (i.e. moving through the breakup quicker)
Support your mental and emotional wellbeing (this is essential when it dips post breakup)

EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) - what is this bizarre sounding thing?

Some science behind EFT tapping:

In EFT tapping, we tap (hence ‘tapping’) with our fingers on upper body acupoints, whilst talking about what is going on for us in terms of emotions, fears, limitations. In essence, it is both a body based (somatic) and cognitive (mental) method.

It is scientifically proven to reduce stress and alleviate emotional distress - promoting emotional regulation and it does this by helping to calm the amygdala (the part of the brain involved in emotional responses), and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxation and calming the body's stress response.

EFT in your breakup

So - if you use EFT tapping when you are spiralling in your breakup, or you’re struggling with consistent intrusive critical thoughts, lack of self belief or other emotional challenges - this is going to help to calm you. And when you’re calmer, you can think clearer, and then you can refocus on what’s important.

The other great thing about EFT tapping, is that you can use the same method to reframe these uncomfortable emotions, thoughts, feelings and limitations you’ve put on yourself since the breakup (such as ‘I’ll never be happy’).

My journey with EFT tapping

In 2015 my friend gave me a session when she had trained, I remember thinking initially that this is the most bizarre thing - tapping on upper body points and talking about my fears and feelings. But I am someone who will try anything, so I went with it and I’m so glad I did. I felt SO much lighter just in one session, I found it so calming and it helped me to understand the fears, and reduce them.

I was so hooked - I had to learn more about it so I did my training! Life happened, and I used it intermittently on myself until 2019 - when I trained again and started supporting clients with their breakup and other things. In 2020, I started delivering EFT to groups and found that it had incredible results. I used it through my breakup in 2020, and I still use it now on myself most days.

The amazing thing about EFT is, is that you can go deeply with it with a practitioner (such as myself) in a one to one session, but once you understand the basics, you can use it for yourself in the day to day for self care. And it is so powerful either way.

How you can do EFT tapping for your breakup

Option 1 - come and join the weekly membership (if you’re ready to move on)

Each week, we meet for 30 minutes on zoom and not only do we talk about ‘how to’ move on - and practical things you can do for yourself in the day to day. But we do at least 10 minutes of EFT on a particular theme. So you can leave each session feeling calm, focused, knowing what you need to do, and of course with this quirky method to use yourself as you learn it!

You can join for £24 a month and of course there is no contract - you can leave any time.

Some of the things we’ve covered so far are:

self trust
trusting the process
the decision to move on
being kind to yourself through this process
getting unstuck
discomfort of being single

Option 2 - book a one to one session with me here (for any stage of your breakup)

You can find out more information about my one to ones and see my calendar here. Have limited slots but if none suit, just DM or email me (hol@breakupsandlove.com) to discuss another time.

Option 3 - ‘those moments’ video library of guided sessions (for early intense stages)

This is a pre recorded video library of EFT that you can come back to any time. All sessions are under 15 minutes, a you pay a one off payment but get access to all future content I upload. You can make requests too!

In conclusion

Breakups can leave us feeling emotionally raw and vulnerable. It's crucial to have a self-soothing strategy in place to help you cope with the pain and begin your journey to recovery.

By taking an active role in your healing process, EFT tapping can empower you to regain a sense of control over your emotional state and be the stepping stones that lead you in to an exciting new chapter.

EFT tapping is a lifeline in moments of despair through your breakup, it helps you to emotionally regulate, think more clearly, reframe your fears and limitations - and ultimately, helps you to move on from your breakup!

There are ways you can do EFT tapping with me and I can’t wait to guide you through it!

Hol | Breakups and Love