MOVING ON FROM A BREAKUP WHEN YOU STILL HOPE YOUR EX WILL COME BACK
Moving on from the breakup when you still hope your ex will come back
When you’re trying to move on from a breakup but you are also holding on to hope that your ex will come back, it can feel impossible and overwhelming. But in my opinion, letting go despite having hope is still totally possible. The real achey, painful hope begins to fade over time when you focus on you and your new chapter.
It isn’t an overnight thing, and you won’t feel like you’re letting go of your ex immediately. But slowly over time, as you take intentional action, the hope for reconciliation and the painful emotions do begin to fade. Here are some common questions asked about hoping your ex will return after the breakup and how to start moving on anyway.
Why do I still have hope that my ex will come back?
You still hope that your ex will come back because first - you’re human. Second - maybe you’re just not quite ready to fully accept that the relationship is over yet. Or, maybe you do know the relationship is over but you would still really like a chance to get back together because since you’ve been apart, you now see the ways you could make it work.
Maybe you just still love them and don’t like the idea of letting them go. Either way, you’re allowed to feel what you feel.
A common theme I see/read in my DMs is the despair over feeling so upset, or scared or not knowing how to let them go. Discomfort from a breakup is real, and normal.
Try to see your reaction as a healthy reaction to losing someone you care about from your life. Rather than there is something wrong with you for having hope or feeling this way. Try not to add pressure on yourself and think about what baby step actions you can take to make yourself feel better.
Is there hope for reconciliation after a breakup?
Is there hope for reconciliation after a breakup?
If you’re wondering whether there is hope for reconciliation after the breakup, the answer lies in being really honest with yourself about all the reasons the relationship didn’t work, what led to the breakup, and how it was left between you and your ex.
Sometimes time and space can help people to process things, reflect and come up with their ideas on how the relationship can work, but only you know your situation, how it was left between you and your ex and whether you think it is solvable.
When you are questioning whether there is hope for reconciliation after your relationship ended, whether your ex has left that door open is an important piece of the puzzle, because if they explicitly haven’t, it is going to be useful for you to re-focus your attention on what you need to do to start creating a new life without them.
Some people feel like the door with their ex has been left open but are too scared to say anything and would prefer it to come from their ex, but if this is you in my opinion and it you can’t bring yourself to move on until you’ve said how you feel, don’t hold back.
We can let pride get in the way and yes it will feel like rejection if they say no, but if in your situation it wouldn’t cause problems to get in touch (be honest about this and be respectful always), then why not.
Then at least if you let your ex know how you are feeling so that you can get it off your chest and just see, even if they say no, at least you know. If you’re going to feel like you’re stuck for months/years because you never said what you really wanted to say, then saying something to your ex could just really help you, no matter the answer.
How do you let go when you don’t want to?
It is not easy to let go when you don't want to let go but if you focusing on these four things it will help you:
Take small actions each day to help you feel good
Let yourself feel however you feel and be patient with yourself in painful moments
Practice gratitude every day so you can appreciate your life without your ex
Have a future vision for yourself
Small actions each day to help you feel good
When you’ve gone through a breakup it is so important to focus on the hour by hour, day by day and making choices for yourself that help you to feel good.
This can be as simple as keeping your space tidy, making sure you wash your hair, moving your body every day, spending time with family and friends. It’s about getting to know yourself and practicing self care, whilst also being patient with yourself. After a breakup it can be easy to wallow (and although this is important) and find yourself months and months in having not thought about steps you can take to get you feeling better.
Letting yourself feel however you feel and being patient with yourself in painful moments
It can also be tempting after a breakup to push away feelings because they’re uncomfortable. This is normal but it can really help to be accepting and compassionate towards yourself. When you feel low, rather than trying to deny it or shame yourself, say kind things to yourself such as ‘this is reasonable for me to feel like this’, or ‘of course I’m going to feel this way, breakups are hard’ and then find something you can do to help you to cope in those moments.
I really recommend and practice EFT tapping and I do this with clients. I have a one to one package you can book where I will teach you how to use the technique in tough moments so you can self soothe vs spiralling out of control in your thoughts.
Practice gratitude every day so you can appreciate your life without your ex
When you’ve gone through a breakup, feeling grateful for anything can actually feel impossible. When I went through my previous big breakup, I started a practice I learned from another EFT practitioner Gala Darling, called the Magical Morning Practice, and it is within this that every single day you spend 2 minutes voice noting yourself on all the things you’re thankful for. I forced myself to do it even when it felt impossible. It helps a huge amount to find even the smallest of things to be grateful for and think about how lucky you are.
Have a future vision for yourself
When you’ve gone through a breakup, you’re grieving the loss of the future that you thought you had with your ex. The plan for your next chapter now looks a lot different. And so it’s really beneficial to start thinking about the ideal future you want to set for yourself without your ex in your life. At first it might seem really hard, especially before you’ve accepted it’s over, but keep trying. Having a future vision really helped me with my breakup.
How do you stop hoping that your ex will come back?
How do you stop hoping that your ex will come back?
Don’t make letting go of hope your focus
Think about how you feel and what you need daily
Rediscover yourself
Design your new chapter
Trust that in time, you’ll let go of hope by default
To stop hoping that your ex will come back, my advice is to not make that your focus. Forcing a feeling away isn’t an easy thing to do, so why do it, because hoping your ex will come back is just how you feel. A better way to stop hoping your ex will return is to divert your attention on to living your life, and building yourself back up after your breakup, and as a result, you’ll start to let them go.
When you act as if there is no hope that you’ll get back together, even if this isn’t what you want, naturally over time you will start to realise that you’re doing ok without your ex. That actually you can see a life without them and whether they come back or not, is OK. The more time you invite in yourself and the things that make you happy, the less you will be holding on to hope that they’ll return.
To summarise how to move on from a breakup when you still have hope
There is so much you can do to move on from a breakup when you still have hope about a reconciliation with your ex. The tips I share such as focusing on your needs every day, rediscovering yourself, surrounding yourself with loved ones, AND not making ‘letting go of hope’ your focus, are worth your attention.
Believe in your ability to move on and create a happy life without your ex, believe that you are worthy (because you are) and that you can and will get through this and come out the other side stronger and better.
And if you want some extra support don’t forget I have a one to one package - I can help you get through your breakup 😘
