How to Let Go of Your Ex and Trust You'll Meet Someone New (4 steps)
One of the hardest emotional challenges you’ll face post breakup is figuring out how to let go of your ex and trust you’ll meet someone new.
When a relationship ends, it’s more than just saying goodbye to a person - it’s letting go of the future you envisioned together. Suddenly, you’re single and left questioning if love will ever come your way again. How do you let go and move forward when it feels impossible to trust that there’s someone else out there for you? Read on for the way i approached this in my own situation.
Why Letting Go Feels Impossible
Letting go feels impossible because you just can’t imagine yourself with anyone new, doubt they exist and just aren’t ready yet.
I know how it feels to be in the thick of heartbreak - to be convincing yourself there’s nobody else out there for you. It’s so painful and scary. You might be telling yourself:
There’s nobody like my ex.
It’s too late for me to find love.
Everybody good is already taken.
When you’re in a low emotional state, any optimism about your future love life can feel completely out of reach and you end up feeling so negative instead. You start believing the worst for yourself, thinking so many bad things about yourself, comparing yourself to everyone else, wondering why it’s just not happened for you yet and whether it even ever will. This fear of never meeting someone new can coexist with and also cause an overwhelming desire to hold onto your ex or the past. And this ends up leaving you confused and stuck.
This is normal and I promise you I have also been here. It’s like you have a tight grip on wanting things to be the way they used to be, even when you can pinpoint a lot of reasons it wasn’t right for you, and just thinking that those days were your only chance. It takes you away from being able to relax in your life now, and get excited about your future, or trust in a future happy relationship.
It Makes Sense to Feel This Way
It’s important to acknowledge that what you’re feeling isn’t unreasonable for the situation you’re in. Breakups are seriously hard.
Normal Emotions After a Breakup
It makes sense that you’re scared.
It makes sense that you can’t see yourself in another relationship.
It makes sense that you doubt you’ll ever be happy with someone else.
These feelings are justified. Your trust in love is shaken because your heart is broken. You loved your ex deeply, and now that chapter has closed. Of course, it’s hard to imagine letting them go opening your heart to someone else again.
Take a moment to breathe, relax, and give yourself some grace. Ans if you’re wondering what that means, my advice is to just observe all the ways you’re being nasty to yourself because of what you’re going through, give yourself a little hug (I sometimes do this literally - wrap my arms around myself) and say ‘I’ve got this, I’m going to be ok, it’s going to be ok’ (or use whatever words make you feel comforted. Ask yourself: What can I do right now to feel calm and to look after myself kindly?
Letting go and trusting in new love isn’t about forcing your ex out of your mind; it’s about accepting their presence in your mind and supporting yourself as you grieve and move through it.
How to Let Go and Rebuild Trust in Love
You don’t have to worry about another relationship right now.
I wrote a detailed post discussing 6 steps to let go of your ex very recently; you can find it here. But to recap:
Expect yourself to find it hard - you’ll protest and rebel against it
Don’t expect to wake up one day and you’ve magically let them go overnight
Relentlessly focus on your life and by default let them go
Decide that you’ll find a way even before you feel ready
Get perspective on why you broke up, often
Be patient with yourself, it takes time
On days when you feel small glimmers of relief, gently but persistently push yourself to live your life anyway; make loving choices for yourself at every opportunity. Over time, those choices will accumulate, the discomfort will ease and you will start to notice yourself letting them go.
I won’t pretend this process is easy; it’s simple in theory but tough in practice. However, it’s not impossible.You don’t have to think about another relationship right now; give yourself permission to ease off the pressure you’re putting on yourself. You don’t have to worry about never finding love again right now. You don’t have to have it all figured out this second or even tomorrow or next week. It’s going to be ok and you’re going to be ok.
If love is important to you, and a relationship is what you want, then you won’t give up on the idea until you find it again. But if you rush and push and pressure yourself when you’re currently feeling all over the place, it’s only going to make you feel worse.
I’m not by any means saying deny how you feel and deny that you’re worried. But let yourself feel this emotion and try your best to get perspective and rationalise. Zone out and look at the bigger picture of the fact that you’re going through something huge and you aren’t going to have full trust in love in this moment and it will take some time to get your head around.
If you’re battling with intrusive thoughts or finding it hard to function in your day to day, do get help from an appropriate professional and know that there is so much support out there to help you.
4 Steps to Build Trust in Meeting Someone New
4 steps to let go of your ex and build trust:
Acknowledge the feelings
Reflection
Take intentional steps
Take time to get ready to date
I understand your need for reassurance. You want to know you’ll trust again, and you want certainty that there is someone else out there for you. You likely want to know that even before you’re ready to entertain anyone new. I’ve been where you are; at the time of my breakup I spent months convincing myself that meeting anybody else would be impossible. But, I got myself to a space where I believed it would be possible, then to a space where I felt ready to date, then I enjoyed the process of dating, and I’m a new relationship now.
I always encourage you to listen to yourself above everything, figure out what works for you through experimenting, and know that you know yourself better than anyone. But I gladly share what helped me, in the hope it reassures you that you can let your ex go, and learn to trust that a new relationship is possible for you.
Here’s 4 steps I took to build trust that I’d meet someone new:
Step 1: Acknowledge the feelings
I took the time to check in with myself every single day and ask myself how I was feeling, then thought about how I could support myself through whatever it was. I did this through journaling - honestly and bluntly - to get things off my chest. This was a consistent practice.
To help me work through the feelings and reduce the stress they were causing me I used Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). I provide a tutorial on how to do this as part of my breakup guide.
Once I accepted my fears instead of fighting them, they started to settle. The more I got frustrated and tried to deny how I felt the more I spiralled, so I learned to be like ‘ok this is where I am now, what can I do for me here?’ Doing this helped me to have easier days and get through the whirlwind of fears and emotions.
So, confront what you’re feeling, instead of suppressing or denying it.
Check in with yourself daily. How are you feeling today? What fears or worries are coming up?
Journal honestly and openly about your emotions. Putting your thoughts on paper can help you process them.
Use techniques like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to reduce stress and find compassion for yourself.
Step 2: Reflection
On easier days, I reflected on my previous relationship: what worked, what didn’t, what I wanted, what I needed, what led to the breakup, what I missed about him/us, what I didn’t. I envisioned the type of relationship I wanted next based on these things. I created a new and evolving list of relationship values and standards based on these lessons.
I also worked on rebuilding my confidence and self-esteem through committing to therapy, hobbies I enjoyed, and self-care. Activities like dancing, walking in nature, and solo trips helped me feel grounded and closer to myself and this new chapter.
Reflecting on your past relationship can help you to get clarity on what a new relationship might look like.
On days when you feel more at ease, reflect on your previous relationship:
What worked?
What didn’t work?
What values and qualities do you want in a future partner?
This reflection helps you gain clarity about what you’re looking for next. I used this time to build a vision of my ideal relationship and the person I wanted to meet.
Step 3: Take intentional steps
By thinking and acting intentionally about my life and future, I slowly started to rebuild trust in myself and in future relationships. When I felt like I was beginning to let my ex go I thought about the things I’d reflected on earlier like the type of person I would like to meet and from there, what might I need to do to feel ready for that type of person and type of relationship.
I made a conscious decision to set goals for myself and enjoy single life, so that when I was ready to date I wasn’t putting so much pressure on it. I made and kept promises to myself. I tried my best to get off autopilot and think about how I wanted my life to go and what the gaps were in myself. This helped me build a better relationship with myself and by default my trust in a new relationship started to grow. The doubts I’d had, started to fade away because I was happier in my own life.
When you feel ready to think about dating (even if it’s far off), start visualising the kind of person you’d like to meet. Ask yourself:
What might I need to do to feel ready for that kind of relationship?
What steps can I take to prepare myself emotionally?
For me, this process started long before I began dating or thinking about it. Some days I didn’t feel like it, or felt too sad. I had had knock backs, but on the days I felt motivated, I would make the most of it.
On the days you feel able to, you can start thinking about new relationships, even before you’re ready
Step 4: Give yourself time to get ready to meet someone new
I gave myself a lot of time before I attempted dating (after trying it too early and realising I wasn’t ready). I wrote a post recently about knowing whether you are ready to date again after your breakup, and you can read it here.
When I was ready, I decided I wanted to meet someone, and that I would make it happen and not stop until I had. I committed to tonnes of dates. I let go of expectations and detached as much as I could from outcomes. I tried to be as open minded as I could.
I made a decision and gave it a lot of energy, I didn’t give up and I just carried on until I met someone I wanted to spend more time with. I carried on even when I got hurt and had a few months break from the app. Taking action built my confidence and my trust over time, vs waiting until I really trusted to take a leap of faith.
Rebuilding a Relationship with Yourself
Throughout this whole process that I outline above, I was learning to trust in myself and trust in what I wanted. I was building a new relationship with me, and this helped me to direct myself into a new relationship with someone else. The process of learning to trust again begins with you. By taking small, loving steps every day, you’ll grow the confidence and clarity within yourself.
Fear can make it hard to imagine love again. But if you take control, remain flexible, and allow yourself to make mistakes and grow, trust will come. Over time, you’ll realise you’re ready to embrace the love you deserve—both from yourself and someone new. You’re not alone in this. It’s tough, but you’ll get through it. And when you do, you’ll find that love isn’t just possible—it’s waiting for you.
My advice is to make a decision about what you want and how it’s going to go, get help with working through any self limiting beliefs, and be devoted to taking the actions you need to take to get there. Do it before you fully believe in the outcome if you need to, be ok with having off days, let yourself go through the motions of doubting yourself, and just keep going.
Key Takeaways
If you’re struggling to let go of your ex and trust in the future, remember:
Acknowledge your feelings. Don’t suppress or deny what you’re going through.
Reflect on your past relationship. Use it as a guide to understand what you want next.
Take intentional steps. Visualise the future relationship you want and what it will take to get there.
Be patient with yourself. Trust is built over time, not overnight.
Letting go of an ex and believing in love again is a journey, but it’s one you can absolutely take. By being gentle with yourself and taking small, loving actions every day, you’ll move closer to the love you deserve—both from yourself and from someone new.
